Yesterday, I posted a photo. I didn't expect it to generate the responses it did.
People commented, messaged and text me to check on me. Friends offered to come over, take me out or offered a shoulder to cry on. I was so moved. Sometimes, our problems, darkness, depression and fears consume us; overwhelm us. I didn't think I was asking for help, but so many people showed up, in so many ways. It helped me see I did need help. I try to carry everything myself, to be the one that's there for everyone else. I always try to put on a brave face. Asking for help feels like I'm being a burden, an imposition, a problem. I don't feel worthy of your time. I don't feel like i deserve the love I freely lavish on others. It's a daily struggle. I post these thoughts tonight, because I know I'm not alone. My head tells me daily "you are the only one struggling, you are completely alone." But your love & concern cut through those lies & proved my thoughts wrong. I post this on hopes that someone else struggling sees this & knows you aren't alone, you are worthy. 💖 I'm not ok, but w/ your love & concern helping me, I'll be ok. I gathered my courage & strength & asked for help today. On the drive over, my heart was racing, barely breathing, I was holding back tears. What had I done? My mind raced, & I felt like a panic attack was eminent. I was welcomed w/open arms & a warm mug of tea. I was listened to, encouraged & told I was loved & mattered. I didn't feel like a problem or a bother. I felt welcomed & safe. It's easy to say to people, reach out, ask for help; but doing so is terrifying. I'm eternally grateful that I did though. So thank you to everyone who checked in, who wasn't silent, who took the time to care. You made a difference, & it mattered. I still hurt. I still struggle, but I feel less alone. I feel like I can face another day to try again. I think we all want our pain to mean something. I want to use it to take the stigma away and be raw, vulnerable and honest. To not pretend, to not hide. I made it to see this sunset, I wonder what tomorrow will hold. #depression #hope #healing #dark #hurt #pain #real #feelings #sad #adulting #share #feel